Timing, Timing, Timing

We always hear the cliché saying, “timing is everything.”  Timing, timing, timing…

Today was Father’s Day – a holiday until this year was never on my radar. Growing up without a father figure, I never celebrated the day.  This year Father’s Day would be different,I had decided to build on the momentum of my budding relationship with my father and send him a gift.

After consulting with my mom, sisters, several closefriends, and family members, from my father’s side, I had decided on the perfectgift. Last weekend, I sat down in my basement with my boof boof (best friend)and my mom. We gathered pictures from every stage of my life to build a 20-page scrapbook. There were pictures from every stage of my life – birth, elementaryschool, middle school, high school, proms, graduations, college, major birthdays, my 1^st home, etc. The last page of the scrapbook was ablank page that simply said, “To be continued…” 

Sample Pages from "The Scrapbook"

Timing, timing, timing…

The days the scrapbook was in the possession of FedEx, I was a nervous wreck. The fear of rejection and the thought of disapproval of the gift were making me sick. I was literally sick for two days. Despite thereassurance from everyone, I was preparing myself for the worst.

As I looked back over my journey with developing the relationship with my father, it started around the time my grandmother’s health began to deteriorate. Eighteen months later, on the 1-year anniversary of mygrandmother’s passing, I was celebrating the marriage nuptials of my littlesister. My grandmother is gone. I am celebrating with my father’s side of thefamily. My grandmother is gone. I am celebrating with my father’s side of the family.  I had to keep repeating it to myself, because it was truly a surreal moment.

Timing, timing, timing…

All my life, I looked forward to the moment that I could knowmy father’s side of the family and develop those relationships. The more Ithought about it God timed it for my relationship with my father to spark atthe perfect point in my life when I would I need it the most. In order to fillthe void left by my grandmother’s passing, God gave me a whole new family.  

On Father’s Day 2012, my father called me to thank me forthe scrapbook and to say that he was extremely pleased with the gift. **insert huge grin ** He loved it! He loved my gift! I am so blessed that I am beinggiven the opportunity to start this journey. Hopefully from this point forward, I won’t have to document any major life events in a scrapbook. We can both continue this journey together!

A

Turning Point?!?!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my “Daddy Issues.” It is my favorite post out of all of my rants on EOTM, as it was the most honest thing I have ever written. Over my 26 years, I never allowed myself to openly feel much about my father. I refused to allow myself to cry, laugh, think, wonder, or ponder about a person I did not know. However, I secretly wished for the acknowledgement from this person I did not know. That’s all I ever wanted.

On February 18^th, I got to stop wishing. It was a whole day of first for me that included my father. It was the first time I had a conversation with him since I was nine years old, which just happened to be the first time I met him. Friday, February 18th was the first time we took a picture together, the first time I heard him say my name, the first time we shared a drink together, yet more importantly -- the first time he verbally acknowledge that I was his child or at least the first time that I heard it. Needless to say I was an emotional wreck for part of that day, well really all day. I was a big ball of emotions ranging from happy to elated to confused, all at the same time.

I don’t know what happens now with my father, not sure if I can google how to develop a relationship with your father. Honestly, it really would be nice if I could. I have no idea what I am doing here, lol! I never have had a father. However, I am open and receptive to wherever this path takes me. This is a turning point, my moment in life…

A