Timing, Timing, Timing

We always hear the cliché saying, “timing is everything.”  Timing, timing, timing…

Today was Father’s Day – a holiday until this year was never on my radar. Growing up without a father figure, I never celebrated the day.  This year Father’s Day would be different,I had decided to build on the momentum of my budding relationship with my father and send him a gift.

After consulting with my mom, sisters, several closefriends, and family members, from my father’s side, I had decided on the perfectgift. Last weekend, I sat down in my basement with my boof boof (best friend)and my mom. We gathered pictures from every stage of my life to build a 20-page scrapbook. There were pictures from every stage of my life – birth, elementaryschool, middle school, high school, proms, graduations, college, major birthdays, my 1^st home, etc. The last page of the scrapbook was ablank page that simply said, “To be continued…” 

Sample Pages from "The Scrapbook"

Timing, timing, timing…

The days the scrapbook was in the possession of FedEx, I was a nervous wreck. The fear of rejection and the thought of disapproval of the gift were making me sick. I was literally sick for two days. Despite thereassurance from everyone, I was preparing myself for the worst.

As I looked back over my journey with developing the relationship with my father, it started around the time my grandmother’s health began to deteriorate. Eighteen months later, on the 1-year anniversary of mygrandmother’s passing, I was celebrating the marriage nuptials of my littlesister. My grandmother is gone. I am celebrating with my father’s side of thefamily. My grandmother is gone. I am celebrating with my father’s side of the family.  I had to keep repeating it to myself, because it was truly a surreal moment.

Timing, timing, timing…

All my life, I looked forward to the moment that I could knowmy father’s side of the family and develop those relationships. The more Ithought about it God timed it for my relationship with my father to spark atthe perfect point in my life when I would I need it the most. In order to fillthe void left by my grandmother’s passing, God gave me a whole new family.  

On Father’s Day 2012, my father called me to thank me forthe scrapbook and to say that he was extremely pleased with the gift. **insert huge grin ** He loved it! He loved my gift! I am so blessed that I am beinggiven the opportunity to start this journey. Hopefully from this point forward, I won’t have to document any major life events in a scrapbook. We can both continue this journey together!

A

Who’s Having Good Sex?

Everywhere I turn there is a conversation about sex – Who’s having it? Who isn’t? Is it good? Is it wack? The desire for more sex: in both quantity, and more importantly quality, seems to be lying under the surface everywhere I turn. Seriously! There is not one conversation that I have had with a single girl friend recently that did not make a turn to our need for consistent good sex. There seem to be so many single women with unfulfilled needs. Old man winter finally showed up and there is no penis meat in our beds to keep us warm. I mean really: Where in the hell is the BEEF? Lol

It seems both men and women are affected by this shortage of quality relations. This past weekend, in two separate conversations with friends/associates, I was blown away by their admissions of having lackluster sex lives. 

The first of these conversations lent itself to an acquaintance suggesting that he doesn’t get head from his fiancée on a consistent basis, and that when it does occur, it is lackluster.  I was thinking to myself, “Wow, a woman can get a ring without giving great head?...” I was truly in a baffled state. It was like he told me he saw pigs fly. It just didn’t make sense to me.

In the other conversation, a friend admitted that her ex-boo thang, proclaimed that his favorite sexual position was missionary.  HOW BORING! The whole table let out a simultaneous deep sigh that was drenched in condolences. Now we see why he is an ex, right?! Lol!

Is anyone having good sex? Can you have mind-blowing sex and a good relationship with the same person? Or does one have to choose good sex with someone temporary over an amazingly healthy relationship? Why can’t both be achieved with the same person?

Or is the real question: Is lackluster/boring sex better than no sex at all? I am not quite sure that is a question I am ready to tackle.

A

...With Love

It’s been quite some time since I have done a post on here, but I feel it is time. The month of June was a rough one for me – I feel like life just snatched me up into a cyclone and just spit me out. June 2011 will be a month that I will never forget. I experienced one of my highest highs and one of my lowest lows within weeks of each other – the purchase of my 1^st home and the passing of my heart!  I have written on here before about me caring for my grandmother while she battled stage IV endometrial cancer -- my grandmother lost that battle on June 4^th. As I sit here and try to fight the tears from falling from my eyes, I must say that I dreaded the day my grandmother would physically leave me all my life.

I had been itching to get my 2^nd tattoo for quite some time now and I knew I wanted it to be something dedicated to my grandmother. I tossed back ideas of combining her favorite thing in the world the butterfly with a cancer ribbon, yet it seemed so contrived and generic – not special enough to capture the essence of my grandmother or our connection.  As I was unpacking boxes, I found a card my granny had sent to me freshman year in college. The handwritten message was a simple note of her sending me some cash to last me until I came home for Thanksgiving and random hellos from the older ladies at church. It was signed Love, Granny.

My new tat!

The word love just jumped off the card and there it was -- Love….Love…Love!!! So simple, yet beautiful and exactly what our relationship was – a true example of pure unconditional love. As long as I can remember my grandmother was my foundation, she gave of herself so freely to afford me with my every want and need. She financed my entire education, and when I say entire I mean entire. She paid every tuition bill from Kindergarten until I crossed the stage with my bachelor’s degree from Temple University. She afforded me opportunities to travel and experience a life outside of the streets of West Baltimore.

Every single blessing my grandmother gave to me was out of love and with love. It only made sense for me to tattoo ‘Love’ on my inner wrist in my grandmother’s handwriting.  I was created from good stock and reared with love… Every time I look at the ‘Love’ sitting on my veins, it will just be a reminder that everything I do in life needs to draw from that feeling, that passion, that pureness of emotion. 

So to my Granny, I say…

“Thank You! I miss you terribly. I promise to make you proud!

Love,

Adriene  

Turning Point?!?!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my “Daddy Issues.” It is my favorite post out of all of my rants on EOTM, as it was the most honest thing I have ever written. Over my 26 years, I never allowed myself to openly feel much about my father. I refused to allow myself to cry, laugh, think, wonder, or ponder about a person I did not know. However, I secretly wished for the acknowledgement from this person I did not know. That’s all I ever wanted.

On February 18^th, I got to stop wishing. It was a whole day of first for me that included my father. It was the first time I had a conversation with him since I was nine years old, which just happened to be the first time I met him. Friday, February 18th was the first time we took a picture together, the first time I heard him say my name, the first time we shared a drink together, yet more importantly -- the first time he verbally acknowledge that I was his child or at least the first time that I heard it. Needless to say I was an emotional wreck for part of that day, well really all day. I was a big ball of emotions ranging from happy to elated to confused, all at the same time.

I don’t know what happens now with my father, not sure if I can google how to develop a relationship with your father. Honestly, it really would be nice if I could. I have no idea what I am doing here, lol! I never have had a father. However, I am open and receptive to wherever this path takes me. This is a turning point, my moment in life…

A

He Say...

Sunday evening I posted my opinion of Black Girls Rock and my reaction to a FB status I saw immediately after the show wrapped. I asked my BFF male to provide some insight to the status…here are his musings!!! :)

BET, for once, presented an excellent representation of what black women; better yet all women should strive for.  The beauty of the talent and inspiration shown during that Two Hour Special was definitely something to be proud of.  During the show I received many texts and messages from black women stating how awe inspired they were with the showing of the many different talented women of color.  

I was asked to reflect on a status that A viewed on Facebook after viewing the Black Girls Rock special.         

“I’m going to always be pro women. I believe in building up our women. But if I wasn’t too tired id go in on the fact that our women have to wait until Tyler Perry movies or the I rock on bet to realize their strength and self worth. sincerely frustrated bachelor.” 

Now I am not a frustrated bachelor, as I have been lucky enough to have found my jewel.  But I have lived a little bit to understand the frustrations of this young black man.   

Let me start by saying, BLACK WOMEN ARE AWESOME!  They are beautiful and gifted in more ways than any demographic in this country.  I salute all black women who handle their business and head their households when no one else is around to do anything better.    

The problem that a lot of men find is that for every strong black woman that is aware of their worth, strength, courage, fears, triumphs, desires, wants, and needs; there are another 2 black women who allow their self respect and dignity to be defined by society and black men.  A lot of depictions in mainstream media depict the whole demographic of Black women as educated, beautiful, and unable to find a man.  While there are so many of these women in society making an imprint, there is also the group that this brother speaks about that causes so much “frustration”.   

Many Black women have allowed their self worth to be defined by some man who has controlled their heart, mind, and aspirations.  These permanent scars are seen in their interactions with their children, friends, and men who are trying to pursue them.  I have interacted with plenty of black women who live daily with a negative aura surrounding them.  Many of these women have allowed someone else to define their self worth.  When they view a depiction of strong black women such as Black Girls Rock!, it becomes a slight inspiration and realization of what they could be.  

When this young brother states that he is frustrated, he honestly and very likely might be.  Not with the Black Women that are and were reflected in this show, but with the Black women who don’t realize that self esteem is created thru your own belief.    

K

BLACK GIRLS F@#KING ROCK!!

Kudos to BET!!! Black Girls Rock was a great presentation and display of the accomplishments of several great black women. The show was absolutely incredible!!! It has been a long time since I watched anything on BET and walked away feeling empowered. I mean I literally died, went to heaven, saw St. Peter, the feet of the Lord while Jill, Ledisi, Marsha, and Kelly performed. Then I went back and revisited my Lord when Tasia, Ledisi, Marsha, and Kelly performed. BET needs to know that that really was the best two hours of anything they have aired in the past 10 years! :-)

However after the show wrapped, I logged onto Facebook to see the status below:

“im going to always be pro women. I believe in building up our women. but if I wasnt to tired id go in on the fact that our women have to wait until tyler perry movies or the I rock on bet to realize their strength and self worth. sincerely frustrated bachelor.”

*deep sigh* BBM sad face, KIK angry face….all that shit!! Where do I begin!

My first thought was really?!? Really dude, really?!?! Black women know that they are awesome. We do not need or request that Tyler Perry speak for us and measure our strength and self worth. We do not need or request that BET air Black Girls Rock, however in this day and age its is needed and necessary. Black women do not often receive the praise of their worth. More often than not, we are broadcast in popular culture as oversexed-ghetto-neck-rolling-gum-popping individuals or downtrodden-angry-bitter-always-gonna-be-single individuals.

It is nice when there are other representations of the vast fabric of African-American women. Presentations and examples of black women doing all of the things she is capable of doing are refreshing to see in the media. Shows like Black Girls Rock aren’t needed to show us our worth, but a lovely reminder of how great we really are and to showcase that greatness to the world, all while appreciating the undertakings of other great black women!

I for one am self aware of my worth, strength, courage, fears, triumphs, desires, wants, and needs; I am surrounded by so many beautiful strong black women who are equally self aware. So black men, please don’t stop uplifting us and don’t misunderstand the intentions of those who choose to give us a voice, publicly acknowledge, and uplift us either!

A

I Call it Wondering, You Might Call it Obsessing…

How many times have you caught yourself obsessing over a guy or multiple guys (get’em playa,lol)…

…obsessing over ever minute detail of each interaction with that person…recalling in vivid detail moments the two of you have spent together…trying to figure out if you were witty enough, clever enough, or funny enough…

…Wondering why hasn’t he called? Why didn’t he respond to my text? Why didn’t he try to make a move on me last night? Does he like my red lipstick? Can he see the run in my stockings on my left leg? Is he capable of love and monogamy? Is that even an option? Or does he just think I am a nasty girl that swallows what’s on the menu(ROZAY!, lol)?

Getting a whiff of the cologne he wears and instantly replaying a hot steamy tryst in the sheets…obsessing if he deleted THAT picture you sent weeks ago…questioning if he calls other girls baby…consumed with thoughts of him taking other girls out…still completely stunned that he didn’t even try to make a move…

Did he notice that I changed my hair? Does he stalk my Facebook page? Did I come on too strong? Does he notice that the jeans I am wearing are two sizes smaller than the last time he saw me? Does he even like me? Or is he just saying everything  he thinks I want to hear?

Wondering…obsessing…wondering…obsessing…wondering…obsessing…

A