A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my “Daddy Issues.” It is my favorite post out of all of my rants on EOTM, as it was the most honest thing I have ever written. Over my 26 years, I never allowed myself to openly feel much about my father. I refused to allow myself to cry, laugh, think, wonder, or ponder about a person I did not know. However, I secretly wished for the acknowledgement from this person I did not know. That’s all I ever wanted.
On February 18th, I got to stop wishing. It was a whole day of first for me that included my father. It was the first time I had a conversation with him since I was nine years old, which just happened to be the first time I met him. Friday, February 18th was the first time we took a picture together, the first time I heard him say my name, the first time we shared a drink together, yet more importantly -- the first time he verbally acknowledge that I was his child or at least the first time that I heard it. Needless to say I was an emotional wreck for part of that day, well really all day. I was a big ball of emotions ranging from happy to elated to confused, all at the same time.
I don’t know what happens now with my father, not sure if I can google how to develop a relationship with your father. Honestly, it really would be nice if I could. I have no idea what I am doing here, lol! I never have had a father. However, I am open and receptive to wherever this path takes me. This is a turning point, my moment in life…
A
You've taken the first step, that's what's important. Don't worry too much about "what happens next". Just do what feels authentic, and keep the lines of communication open. Super proud of you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kimmie!
ReplyDeleteThat is super amazing! You're doing better than me. I thought I was open but I think I'm still a little angry. I thought I could leave the past in the past but I'm not sure anymore. I hope everything goes well :)
ReplyDelete@MissUshie -- I am sure there is angry deep down in there somewhere, but if I allow it to come out now, it might ruin any chance I have at building.
ReplyDelete