Who’s Having Good Sex?

Everywhere I turn there is a conversation about sex – Who’s having it? Who isn’t? Is it good? Is it wack? The desire for more sex: in both quantity, and more importantly quality, seems to be lying under the surface everywhere I turn. Seriously! There is not one conversation that I have had with a single girl friend recently that did not make a turn to our need for consistent good sex. There seem to be so many single women with unfulfilled needs. Old man winter finally showed up and there is no penis meat in our beds to keep us warm. I mean really: Where in the hell is the BEEF? Lol

It seems both men and women are affected by this shortage of quality relations. This past weekend, in two separate conversations with friends/associates, I was blown away by their admissions of having lackluster sex lives. 

The first of these conversations lent itself to an acquaintance suggesting that he doesn’t get head from his fiancée on a consistent basis, and that when it does occur, it is lackluster.  I was thinking to myself, “Wow, a woman can get a ring without giving great head?...” I was truly in a baffled state. It was like he told me he saw pigs fly. It just didn’t make sense to me.

In the other conversation, a friend admitted that her ex-boo thang, proclaimed that his favorite sexual position was missionary.  HOW BORING! The whole table let out a simultaneous deep sigh that was drenched in condolences. Now we see why he is an ex, right?! Lol!

Is anyone having good sex? Can you have mind-blowing sex and a good relationship with the same person? Or does one have to choose good sex with someone temporary over an amazingly healthy relationship? Why can’t both be achieved with the same person?

Or is the real question: Is lackluster/boring sex better than no sex at all? I am not quite sure that is a question I am ready to tackle.

A

2011, What a Year!

I am sitting at my desk so bored out of my mind and thinking back over the year 2011. With two days left in the year, I can say, without a doubt, that 2011 will be a year that I will never forget. I thought it might be fun to recap some of the most defining moments of the year. So here, I go…

Honorable Mention – The Que Centennial Weekend in DC July 2011 – That sausage fest was probably the most outrageous weekend I had all year! FUN TIMES INDEED!

#5 – Adventures with My Boof Boof – This past year I learned more about my best friend than I had in the previous 15 years of knowing her. With every major life change that happened for me this year, she was here every step of the way.  Throughout it all we were able to have great moments of random fun. Weather it was traveling to ATL,
deciding randomly to purchase Janet Jackson tickets, her sitting quietly in the living room (*snickers*) or discussing home décor – there was always a fun time to be had.

#4 – Finishing Grad School – The thorn in my side for two years is now gone. What a glorious feeling to be done with school FOVEVER. I will miss those refund checks though! ::shrugs:: The finality of grad school will hit me on May 12, 2012, when I cross the stage. Come party with me, eh?

#3 – Milton – If you know me or have read my blog before, you know that my sperm donor has always been an issue for me. This year a major and much needed step forward was taken in filling what had been a long-term void. He and I do not really have a relationship yet, but I was able to get acknowledgement of my presence after 26 years. I’ll be curious to see what happens from here.

#2 – Operation 1135 -- On June 23, 2011 I became a homeowner. What a wonderful feeling it is to come home everyday to something that is all mine. Maybe in the future, I will share posts of my decorating adventures. Things are starting to come together nicely!

#1 – Granny’s Passing – June 4, 2011… Even though it was one of the saddest days of my life, the death of my Granny was also a major turning point in my life. Growing up I used to be terrified of life P.G (post Granny). However, Granny’s passing, albeit devastating,
showed me that I could and would make it on my own. I am who I am because of her love and dedication to me; it’s extremely gratifying to know that all of her sacrifices did not go in vain. RIP!

This past year showed me that anything is possible! 2011 revealed the depth of my faith, love, determination, and strength.  I am so excited for 2012 that I am bursting at the seams.

Here’s hoping that 2012 is even better than 2011!! Happy New Year everyone!

A

...With Love

It’s been quite some time since I have done a post on here, but I feel it is time. The month of June was a rough one for me – I feel like life just snatched me up into a cyclone and just spit me out. June 2011 will be a month that I will never forget. I experienced one of my highest highs and one of my lowest lows within weeks of each other – the purchase of my 1^st home and the passing of my heart!  I have written on here before about me caring for my grandmother while she battled stage IV endometrial cancer -- my grandmother lost that battle on June 4^th. As I sit here and try to fight the tears from falling from my eyes, I must say that I dreaded the day my grandmother would physically leave me all my life.

I had been itching to get my 2^nd tattoo for quite some time now and I knew I wanted it to be something dedicated to my grandmother. I tossed back ideas of combining her favorite thing in the world the butterfly with a cancer ribbon, yet it seemed so contrived and generic – not special enough to capture the essence of my grandmother or our connection.  As I was unpacking boxes, I found a card my granny had sent to me freshman year in college. The handwritten message was a simple note of her sending me some cash to last me until I came home for Thanksgiving and random hellos from the older ladies at church. It was signed Love, Granny.

My new tat!

The word love just jumped off the card and there it was -- Love….Love…Love!!! So simple, yet beautiful and exactly what our relationship was – a true example of pure unconditional love. As long as I can remember my grandmother was my foundation, she gave of herself so freely to afford me with my every want and need. She financed my entire education, and when I say entire I mean entire. She paid every tuition bill from Kindergarten until I crossed the stage with my bachelor’s degree from Temple University. She afforded me opportunities to travel and experience a life outside of the streets of West Baltimore.

Every single blessing my grandmother gave to me was out of love and with love. It only made sense for me to tattoo ‘Love’ on my inner wrist in my grandmother’s handwriting.  I was created from good stock and reared with love… Every time I look at the ‘Love’ sitting on my veins, it will just be a reminder that everything I do in life needs to draw from that feeling, that passion, that pureness of emotion. 

So to my Granny, I say…

“Thank You! I miss you terribly. I promise to make you proud!

Love,

Adriene  

Turning Point?!?!

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my “Daddy Issues.” It is my favorite post out of all of my rants on EOTM, as it was the most honest thing I have ever written. Over my 26 years, I never allowed myself to openly feel much about my father. I refused to allow myself to cry, laugh, think, wonder, or ponder about a person I did not know. However, I secretly wished for the acknowledgement from this person I did not know. That’s all I ever wanted.

On February 18^th, I got to stop wishing. It was a whole day of first for me that included my father. It was the first time I had a conversation with him since I was nine years old, which just happened to be the first time I met him. Friday, February 18th was the first time we took a picture together, the first time I heard him say my name, the first time we shared a drink together, yet more importantly -- the first time he verbally acknowledge that I was his child or at least the first time that I heard it. Needless to say I was an emotional wreck for part of that day, well really all day. I was a big ball of emotions ranging from happy to elated to confused, all at the same time.

I don’t know what happens now with my father, not sure if I can google how to develop a relationship with your father. Honestly, it really would be nice if I could. I have no idea what I am doing here, lol! I never have had a father. However, I am open and receptive to wherever this path takes me. This is a turning point, my moment in life…

A

No Love for Cupid

It’s the first day February--a month full of holidays. This month is dedicated to Black History, Parent Leadership, and National Bird Feeding (Hey, this is what Google is for. lol). In February, we celebrate Groundhog’s Day, President’s Day, and sometimes even a leap year. However, the granddaddy of all February holidays is Valentine’s Day. For the next 14 days lovers will be wracking their brains trying to come up with clever gifts, and ideas for romantic gestures to show their love for one another. WOMP!

When I was younger, I loved Valentine’s Day. You would go to school and make V-day cards; and all your classmates would give out lollipops, Lifesaver’s cards, candy necklaces, and those nasty chalky heart-shaped candies with the sayings on them.  Ahh, those were the good ole days. By the time I got to high school, it was all about who received a singing valentine from Route 87, or who received carnations from a guy at the boys’ school. No longer was everyone included in the “celebration of love”. :(

This post is not coming from a bitter single girl, but from someone who longs for more. Romance, love and affection are great, but Valentine’s Day is not! I would rather not impose the pressure of Valentine’s Day on whoever I am in love with. The actions associated with February 14th have become more ritualistic than genuine expressions of love. Why not engage in a random act of love on July 23rd or September 16th and without spending hundreds of dollars on dinner, flowers, and perfume? That would be a much more thoughtful gesture to show your mate that he or she is appreciated. Valentine’s Day is only one day; what about the other 364 days?!

Just a thought…

A

Happy Birthday Langston Hughes!

To my surprise my favorite poet, Langston Hughes was trending worldwide today on Twitter. Langston Hughes was born February 1, 1902 -- what a wonderful start to Black History Month. Listed below are two of my favorite poems:

Still Here

I been scared and battered.
My hopes the wind done scattered.
   Snow has friz me,
   Sun has baked me,

Looks like between 'em they done
   Tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'--
   But I don't care!
   I'm still here!

Dream Variations

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
    Dark like me--
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance!  Whirl!  Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening . . .
A tall, slim tree . . .
Night coming tenderly
    Black like me.

Today's Random Ass Thoughts

It sucks wanting more for someone else when they have no interest in putting forth the effort to get there...like what are you aspirations, goals, etc...I am still in training after seven months, yes seven...I can not take it anymore...I am so over this whole thing...I just need to be out...one more month to go...but then I will be required to work and after eight months of not working, its going to be tough...in good news I only have two more semesters left of grad school...PRAISE THE LORD...however the crazy in me is thinking "hmmm it wasnt that bad, maybe another degree wouldnt be that bad"...I am talking crazy...however I am working on my 5 year skelton...

 

...I'll worry about adding the meat to it as I go! :)